My (Almost) Year in Suburbia or Why Am I the Only One Who Hears That Buzzing Sound?
DUE TO SOME MISUNDERSTANDINGS, here is my disclaimer – before you read this blog please note that I am NOT an Evangelical/ born again – this blog – was written in good fun, poking fun at the conservative evangelicals ( and noise) that seem to have infiltrated this suburb-
My (Almost) Year in Suburbia or Why Am I the Only One Who Hears That Buzzing Sound?
Allejuah! Praise the Lord God Almighty, it is effing raining. It’s what I have been praying for because if it rains in suburbia it must mean, “there shalt be quiet.” I welcomed the rain like an empty Tahoe weekend welcomes snow. Last year there was too much of the wet stuff around and I confess I did exclaim to the Lord God Almighty, “ I don’t care if it see any rain for another couple of years, I’ve had it!” I mean one friend of mine commented that we were eating vitamin D like chicklets for Christ’s sake.
Hmmm, so naturally the Lord God Almighty delivered. I ate my words, eased off the vitamin D, and sent out my apology to the rain beings and began praying for rain. My intentions were noble. Didn’t we all crave the proverbial coziness of a rainy weekend, fireplaces lit, soups on, and naps in our future? Even the Lord God Almighty says something about resting, but I guess that’s not in the suburban bible. No. As I sit here writing with my Ambience App pumping out ‘sandy beach’ sounds, masking the buzzing noise that now lives in my head, the gas fireplace, or as I am more aptly convinced in PG & E’s smart meters I have come to realize (and now nearly accept) that quiet in suburbia is about as welcomed as President Obama is in South Carolina.
IDK maybe quiet makes suburbanites uncomfortable or maybe it’s just been so damn long since they experienced the dead of night, the calm before the storm, or even the call of the wild that they simply can’t relate. Not being an obvious destination, suburbia could be lost when it comes to finding quiet. Even if I believed the rain would require it, as far as I can tell there simply is no time for it.
Everything is scheduled. Even in the rain praise be, to the Lord God Almighty, when I opened my windows and doors to listen to that glorious sound of water dropping from the sky, I quickly retreated back to my Ambience App, for one of the ‘cul de sac’ gardeners was attempting to leaf blow a pile of weighted down, old, soggy leaves. Yep. What was he trying to do? Dry the leaves first and then hope they could be blown away? “Surrender Dorothy,” I said to myself, “This is leaf-blower obsessed suburbia, and you know the drill when one righteous leaf blower stops, another begins.” Hopefully, the Lord God Almighty empathizes, with a gardener who has to wear soundproof Boise headsets . . . . .
Let us pray.
Stay True
M